You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
