____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
