drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
