So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there's paper in my vomit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
