Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
