If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
