My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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