I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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