I think my fart just growled at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
