we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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