Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
