her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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