I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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