Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
