and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
