I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
