Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize