imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
