If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
