A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
