Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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