ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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