so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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