Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
