hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
