she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize