its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
