I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize