Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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