i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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