Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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