do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
