i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
