I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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