Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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