just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
