And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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