I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
