glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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