my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
