first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
