I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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