Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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