I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
