walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
