dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
