Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
