So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
