Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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