Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Are my feet made of real feet?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
