Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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