Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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