Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize