he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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