I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
