I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
