WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
