I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
