I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
