you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
