i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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