Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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