I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
