There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
BRING THE BAGELS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
