Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
