I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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