Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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