I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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