You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
