If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
