Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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