I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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