I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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