got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
