So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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