What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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