I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
