Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
