i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize