is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When are your genitals available?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
