I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
