The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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