____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
