K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
