I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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