We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
