dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
