people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize