The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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