Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
As shirtless as possible
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize