if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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