I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think i got beer on your cat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
