There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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