how can u be prego again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont even know how to be here
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
