To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
