just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize