And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
