There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
